It's 4:00am and you're heading out the door to the airport. You have to get there early enough to get through security and check in before your flight leaves at 7:00am. But wait! You find out that you have one too many bags and another is too big for carry on. So what next? Well, whip out the credit card and pay for the bags and head to the gate. There is always a cost somewhere. Because nothing is free.
Let's say you're single and looking for a date. You spend hours searching personals on websites that are free and paid. You get past most of the creepy ones and narrow it down to a few exclusive personal ads you seem to like. You take that big step and send a message to each one and wait. Slowly you begin to receive messages back as well as messages from others looking to begin an online conversation with you in the hopes of getting a date.
After several intense days of weeding through the final five, you pick one to go on a date with. The day comes and surprisingly you have a great time. You're still cautiously reserved, but see a second date may be possible. He or she was a great communicator, polite, easy on the eyes and seemed to be in the same boat as you. Just looking for something normal.
So now we jump forward a few weeks and now you're looking for an escape plan. Some way to get out of this relationship you started only a few weeks ago. How could you have not seen it coming? How in the world could you have picked this kind of person? Now you have to start all over again.
Why? They have sooooo much baggage. Maybe it's too many children, too many ex wives or girlfriends, a bitter ex, financial problems, emotional issues, or maybe just too needy. But when it comes down to it, it's just too much baggage.
But let's take a look in the mirror. What do you see? Ooooooooh! So now we see some of that same baggage. Maybe not as much as them, but we surely do have our own. But at what cost do we turn down friendships and or relationships because of baggage? How much is too much? How much can we tolerate and simply accept as normal? And at what point do you call it off? Simply put, you wouldn't know about most of the baggage until later in the relationship. So do you try to work it out and help them deal with and get rid of some of it? Or do you just walk away and move on?
Baggage is a part of every person. We all have it. We all have those things we have issues with and problems. As much as we try, we can't keep them out of a potential friendship or relationship. It's how we deal with the baggage in that relationship that can determine how long it will last or if we need to just move on.
Believe me; I've had plenty of things dumped on me from many people. Friends have used me as their "pseudo" psychologist many times. I've listened to stories that made me cringe and even had come close to calling the authorities. But I'm thankful I wasn't dating any of them and having to deal with their baggage they brought.
But don't blurt out your problems to people. When you do you make them a part of the issues you have and even make them some of the baggage you carry. Why? Because they now know more about you than they probably care to. And they feel obligated to maybe help you resolve or deal with it. It's not a comfortable position to be in. And they also feel an obligation to have to listen when you need to vent about some things that maybe just aren't that big of a deal. They are now trapped.
I asked a great many people one simple question. "What do you consider baggage?" Here are the answers in no particular order:
- Clingy ex
- Needy grown children
- Freeloading children
- An ex you can't forget or get over
- Legal problems
- Financial problems
- Emotional problems
- Addiction (drugs, cigarettes, porn, alcohol, sex, etc.)
Just an FYI here, issues with an ex was number one with everyone. But emotional baggage is by far what most don’t like in a new relationship. Or any relationship for that matter.
But let's get back to the original question. What is the cost of emotional baggage? Sadly, the price is high. If we fail to deal with our own emotional issues and carry them everywhere we go, most will be less than tolerant and move on and usually tend not to come back. When all you do is dump on poeple about your problems you add one more block to the wall that will eventually separate you from peoplle who really do care and the ones who could be potential life partners. It's not a good scenario, but it is life and it is human nature.
I've seen family members separate themselves from each other because of so many emotional issues. I've seen entire families break apart because one of them does not deal well with their problems and it weighs so heavy on everyone else. The things you suffer inside not only take control of your life and who you are, but it also can turn others into someone they don't want to be.
What it comes down to is that we all need to understand that our problems are not necessarily someone else’s. We all know we have a few friends who will listen to us vent or dump on them. But we need to be careful how open we are. You’re baggage may cost you more than you think. It is no secret that I had a therapist many years ago. It was the best thing I could have ever done. I had someone to listen to my issues and help me with them. I was not judged, dumped, or made to feel like I was nuts. It’s not a bad thing to have a therapist.
Your strength is your saving grace. Your baggage only ads fule to your strength. What you conquire makes you stronger. Don't let what you have suffered control who you are or where you are going. We take what we learn and move forward. Baggage can weigh us down but our strength pushes us forward.
We are all better than the baggage we carry. sometimes we need to just drop the baggage and hope it gets lost in the journey we begin to take towards being a better person. Lost baggage is not a bad thing.
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