The God I Know

I've run from God many times.
I've claimed I didn't know God at times.
I've claimed I didn't know what God is about
But..........

I've written about God many times before.  I've made no secret of what I believe and don't believe.  Some have called it blasphemy.  And to that I simply say that if you think it is blasphemy then that is what you and your God believe.  My God doesn't judge me.  But I have never written about the God I know.

The God I know is nothing like what I thought a God should be.  In our world there are so many Gods we seem to get lost trying to find the God we want.  And one God after another seems to disappoint us.  But one thing none of this has in common is me.

Everything I believe and what I see about what God is or is not, is not considered normal by today's spiritual standards.  I am not a demon worshiper, a cult follower or a psychopath.  I'm just a pessimist, so to speak.

I've lived my life with two different Gods.  The one God I knew from years past brought someone to me to abuse me.  The one God I knew made me suffer whilst someone took away my innocence as a child. The one God I knew was the God which threw me to the streets.  The one God I knew made me hungry and cold while living under a bridge.  The one God I knew sent me to the hospital after being beaten for ten dollars.  The one God I knew made me do things I never imagined I would ever do.  The one God I knew now lives somewhere else trying to come back into my life.  This God is no longer allowed in my world.

The God I know now doesn't murder people, doesn't hurt people, doesn't make people suffer, has compassion, has empathy, has forgiveness, and has love.  And the God I know gives these unconditionally.  The God I know doesn't judge me for who I was or what I was.  The God I know accepts me for who I am and what I am.  The God I know isn't vengeful.  The God I know isn't envious or jealous.


The God I know is nothing like the one you know.  I know my God in a very intimate and different way.  I know my God as something you will never understand or will ever be able to understand.

But I do have to ask a question that some might be wondering - is my God a real God?  Tell me what a real God is.  What does a God do, look like, sound like?  What purpose is there for a God, or your God?  What purpose does your God serve for you?  Why do you need a God or have to have a God to worship or serve?  Is your God there simply to do things for you or for you to serve?


So then you ask who is my God?  It is not an easy question to answer.  But my God is not a who.  My God is not a spirit.  My God is not a statue.  My God is not an entity.  And quite honestly my God is not what you think.

The God I know is all that I have experienced in my life.  The God I know is what I have learned from the time I could begin to learn.  The God I know gives me the strength to move forward, be strong, be understanding, be compassionate, be generous, be empathetic, and to simply be me.

The God I know is the peace I have from understanding the life's lessons I have learned.  The God I know is the strength I have to stand up for myself and to not be a victim ever again.  The God I know meets me in that place where only I go and no one else is allowed.

In my life there is only one thing that matters to me.  But no one will ever know what that is.  No one will ever understand what that is.  It is something I can't explain, and it is something that only I will know.

Who is my God?  You don't need to know who my God is because my God can't help you in the way my God has helped me.  My God doesn't speak to you or help you understand as my God does for me.  My God can't help you understand who I am or help you to see me for who I really am.  That is something only I will want you to know.

Do we have the same God?  I know my

God as my God.  But we all serve a God, and it's just a matter of how we see our God and what we know about our God.

I do believe we all serve the same God.  But it's a matter of how you see your God.  Our Gods are presented to each of us in a different way.  We all see our God as we want to see God.  As much as people try to tell us what God is and who God is, we still see God in our own way.  We see God and talk to God in our own way.

But it is still the same God we all know.