To Forgive or Not to Forgive. That is the question.

"I have been terribly wronged.  Why do I have to forgive them?"

"The hurt, pain, humiliation and the anger just won't allow me to Forgive.  Why do I have to forgive?"

"Some things just aren't forgivable"  

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Are these some of the things you say when someone tells you that you need to forgive?  Do you struggle with the thought of having to forgive someone who has wronged you?  Can't find it in yourself to forgive?  I know.  I was there.  And as a matter of fact, I'm still there.

Of all the people who have wronged me over the years, I have forgiven all except one.  The worst of the worst was done and I lived through something that can not be taken away nor forgiven.  It sounds like I'm not practicing what I preach, but I can't help you understand unless I tell you where I am spiritually with God and where I am emotionally with myself.  I have to be honest with myself before I can be honest with others.  So my struggle is to find that forgiveness I need, to be able to forgive, and to move forward.  I tell others to let it go and move on, yet I can't do the same.  My forgiveness will come and it will be a burden gladly lifted, but what do I need to do to finally say I forgive?

Regardless of how horrible the sins, God says to us, "I forgive you".  My life was nothing but fear, pain, torture, and sadness.  My heart was broken by the horrible people who wronged me.  My spirit was crushed, my heart was broken, my soul bleeding. and my faith destroyed.  But I am commanded to forgive.  I am commanded to forgive the ones who have hurt, wronged, and sinned against me.  Just as God has forgiven me of the hurt, wrong, and sins I have committed against others, I must do the same.

It is quite clear and obvious.  We need to forgive in order to be forgiven. It is said at least twice in the bible.  I think if God tells us once, it is clear, but when he says it twice, there should be no question.

But what does it mean to forgive?  Do we forgive the offender or are we forgiving someone for ourselves?  What I mean by this question is do we forgive to give ourselves peace or do we forgive to give the offender peace?  It's sort of both really.  When we are offended in one way or another by someone, we are hurt emotionally and carry that hurt with us.  So what we are then doing is giving the offender control because we are unable to release that hurt and emotional pain from that by which we have been offended or wronged.  Not letting go eats away inside.  And bitterness, resentment, and a long standing hatred controls who and what you are.  It is the anger and bitterness we need to rid our hearts and souls of in order to live free spiritually with God and be able to accept His forgiveness, love and grace.


“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that
no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”                                                                                 Heb. 12:15

Forgiving is what God commands.  How can we not forgive someone when in fact God has forgiven us.  Is it not the same that God forgives all, and so shall we?  Look within yourself and see what God has forgiven you for.  Not just today or yesterday, but since the day you were born.  So why can't we see the great need for forgiveness to others?  Selfishness!  It's all about us.  Right?

We need to forgive as Christ forgave us.  It is by God's grace we are forgiven.  We do not deserve His forgiveness, yet He forgives.  Our offenders do not deserve our forgiveness, yet we need to forgive.

How difficult is that to accept?  We are commanded to forgive as Christ has forgiven us, forgive completely and repeatedly regardless of the sins and transgressions against us.  We DO NOT have the right to hold grudges, bitterness or anger against anyone.  It is pure selfishness and arrogance to think we don't have to or will not.  We are given a gift from God of forgiveness and grace.  We are obligated under God's command to extend that to others without question.

Throughout our lives we all have forgiven someone for something.  What a wonderful feeling it is to be able to do that.  It lifts a burden off our hearts, cleanses our soul and frees our spirit to accept the things God has given us.  Forgiving does not absolve someone from anything.  Forgiving gives us peace.  It cleanses our heart of hate and anger.  It takes away our bitterness and animosity toward someone.  This frees us from the strong hold our offender has on us.  As I said earlier, if we fail to forgive, we give the offender control.  They will always be in control for as long as we hold on to whatever it is that makes us want to hate them.

So with all that said, I have to finally say "I forgive you".