Am I Survivor?

It's a big question for me to answer and one others can answer rather quickly.  I am hesitant to say I am survivor.  I believe we make it through the terrible things in life with strength and resolve.  But as we trod through our lives and deal with all the things that make life difficult, we survive each and every day.

I am surviving and I am fighting.  I am not a survivor yet. I have not come out completely done, finished or healed.  Yes, I am a survivor of many things in my life.  But I am still surviving.

We can nit pick the details of what we all think it means to be a survivor.  We can argue that if we make it this far and have come out happy, we are survivors.  But I see the word survivor as a word of absolute.  It is the end and it means finished.  I have a sister who had breast cancer.  She is a survivor and has survived cancer.  It is gone and no longer is a threat to her life.  Yet there are some who still have cancer and are fighting and surviving each day to fight more.  They are surviving and fighting.

As my sister had a fight with cancer, I am fighting my demons from the past.  I am happy and good and life is good now.  But forever it will be a fight.  It's a fight I now find to be less stressful and even less controlling.  If I let the fight with the demons control my thoughts and my life, then the fight is not about surviving anymore, it's about trying not to lose.  I am surviving and I am winning.

The battle goes on and the war will come to an end someday.  But until then, I carry a sword of strength that can conquer all that comes my way and it gives me the confidence to stand and fight all that comes my way.

I have an infatuation in my heart for life.  I cherish each day I survive and win the little battles.  I win with dignity, pride, and courage.  I am me and I am surviving.